You Oughta Know
by jalf1018
Summary: Alex's thoughts at the end of Give Peace a Chance. *One Shot*


_The end of Give Peace a Chance inspired me and made me cry. Though I normally try to maintain continuity throughout my work, I'm modifying some details that I've laid out in other stories regarding Alex's past. Please enjoy and review. _

_**Disclaimer: **__All characters and quotes from Grey's Anatomy are the property of ABC and Shonda Rhimes. _

**You Oughta Know**

Alex just sat there, alone in his thoughts. He had been so sure that Izzie wouldn't just let herself die. She should have been here today, if only for the IL-2 treatment. After all she had fought through, including stepping back from the brink of death, he couldn't see why she wouldn't be here today. He loved her, as much as he couldn't show it sometimes. Couldn't she see? Shouldn't she have just known that he needed her? Because he did. He needed her like he needed the rush of the first cut; like the crisp cold air in autumn that filled him with life. Still she wasn't here.

Why was it the women in his life always abandoned him? Izzie just seemed to be the latest in the lineup. He couldn't blame Rebecca. She had mental issues that he understood from the outside. He understood that hopelessness well enough to recognize it when it was there. No, he had never been to those depths, but he always seemed to be dragged down almost as far. He was strong enough to return to the surface of sanity, but never quite strong enough to bring back the people he loved. It was a lesson he should have learned long ago.

As often happened when he went down these roads of thought, he contemplated his mother. She had been a beautiful girl in her youth. Quiet, well meaning, she thought that she could save the world. When Lara Chambers had met Alex's father, Charlie, right after high school she thought she had found the love of her life. In the beginning she could see he had problems. He drank too much and had a sharp tongue. However she thought it was nothing that couldn't be changed with love and support. Six months into their relationship, Lara peed on a stick and found out she was pregnant. Within nine months she was a wife and mother. She thought that now Charlie was a husband and father, he would settle down, get a job and not drink so much.

She was wrong. Despite living in a small town of a few hundred, he wouldn't give up his dream of being a rock star. As the years passed in their marriage, he started drinking more and mixing in drugs. When Alex was ten, he hit her for the first time. The next morning, he brought her flowers and pamphlets for Narcotics Anonymous and promised he would stop drinking. The promises were empty. By the next weekend he was back to his old ways. For the next six years, she found she had to buy more makeup and more long sleeves to cover the bruises. It wasn't until Alex was fifteen that Charlie had dared to hit her in front of him. As the year went by the beatings increased. Alex from his years as a psychology minor knew now what had been going on in his mother's head. It was a classic case of battered women syndrome. She couldn't leave, because her mind had been so twisted she believed that the bruises were just his way of showing he loved her. Fifteen year old Alex couldn't see how she could stay though.

Finally one day, a day that Alex would never forget, he stood up for his mother. Returning home to see his father standing over his mother, he finally stopped the cycle. He knew his mother deserved better. That night, humiliated, Charlie left. Alex thought he had done right. Today, Alex knew he had done the right thing, but the depression his mother had sunk into had made him doubt it. Alex dove into his school work and wrestling, excelling in both. He hoped that if he could do well enough, he could get his mother's attention away from Charlie.

Alex remembered the one day he thought he had lost his mother. It was his junior year at the end of the wrestling season. He was receiving an award for outstanding performance at the banquet. Juniors never received the award. Lara promised him that she would come, despite the fact she had only left the house a handful of times in the past six months. In the rec hall of the local fire company, he sat there watching the door. Dinner had been served, plates cleared, and she still hadn't walked in. The captain gave his speech and still Alex didn't see his mother. Finally his name was called, and the crowd cheered, but the one face he wanted to see was conspicuously absent. No one else would have said anything, but Alex knew that everyone knew why she wasn't there. Tomorrow the gossip mill would be spinning overtime with speculation. Alex accepted his plaque with dignity but his pride was lessened. All he could think was she hadn't shown up.

Arriving home, he didn't see his mom in the kitchen, nor in the living room. Moving on to her bedroom, he saw only a still lump lying in the middle of the bed. Fearing the worst Alex rushed over and shook her. When he saw her groggy eyes open he only said, "You weren't there."

"I'm sorry honey. I must have fallen asleep." They both knew she had passed out under the influence of something. "I'll be there next time," she said yawning.

Alex wanted to yell how there wouldn't be a next time. This was once in a lifetime and she had missed it. But her eyes had already blinked shut, so all he said was "Sure, next time."

Adult Alex knew the ending of the story. By the time he'd graduate, his mother would have overdosed on sleeping pills, unable to stand the pain of her existence anymore. His morose thoughts were interrupted before he could remember walking into the house that morning. "Shepherd finished the surgery and I took care of all the pre-ops. So we're good to go," Reed said quietly.

Alex sat there for a moment. She had convinced him that Izzie would be here, though he couldn't blame the resident for his wife's absence. He only shook his head saying "She didn't show," implying Izzie, but meaning just as much his own mother. He finally let the tears roll down his face. "She didn't show up. Who doesn't show up?" He knew the answer; it was the story of his life. He should have realized it by now but the women of his life only let him down. They would never show up, even for their own good.

Releasing his emotions, Reed in a moment of truce came closer. She gave him a hug letting her arms surround him. Alex didn't notice. His thoughts were loss in a deep lake. He was near the bottom again, but this time he wondered if he would have the strength to swim to the surface, to sanity.


End file.
